Here in My Corner
The problem with me is that I do not believe in something.
It isn't really so bad. I open to anything provided that it comes with a firm justification.
In my 24 years of living, I have never had anything that will pass for a life altering moment. It is apparent in my penchant for starting every paragraph with sometimes. I do not seem to have anything that I firmly believe in. I do not have anything constant in my life that I have to justify everything with the word, sometimes. I am not sure of anything that I have to assess everything by the fleeting moments and flashing instances of significance in my life. Nothing big has happened.
Or am I looking at it the other way?
Just this morning, I watched two movies both tackling racial discrimination. As I imbibe each lesson contained within the horrors of each scene, something struck me. I realized that if ever that I would be in such situations, I would probably just walk away, as if I couldn't give shit, until I get my head blown into pieces. I do not care at all.
Have I been apathetic to such cruelty? Have I been desensitized because violence, racial discrimition and oppression is a fact of life and that I have to live with it? These questions have been bothering me.
I get scared. I wimp out. I run away, like anyone else. Never have I braved anything in my life and I am starting to hate myself for it. I do not have anything to stand for. I do not have anything that holds significance in my life. You would probably tell me that you have your family whom you hold dear to your heart. But family is a given variable in one's life and it is indicated in our nature that we should care for them and nurture as it has nurtured us. How about philosophy? Principles? A motto? This government? My country? How about myself? How about sexuality and preference? How about equal rights?
As I approach the end of this entry, I realize that I do believe in one thing. Truth. I should always fight for what I know is the truth. But then again, truth is subjective. I might end up fighting for the wrong cause.
Now, beaten by my own self, I end in one corner waiting for something significant to happen.
It isn't really so bad. I open to anything provided that it comes with a firm justification.
In my 24 years of living, I have never had anything that will pass for a life altering moment. It is apparent in my penchant for starting every paragraph with sometimes. I do not seem to have anything that I firmly believe in. I do not have anything constant in my life that I have to justify everything with the word, sometimes. I am not sure of anything that I have to assess everything by the fleeting moments and flashing instances of significance in my life. Nothing big has happened.
Or am I looking at it the other way?
Just this morning, I watched two movies both tackling racial discrimination. As I imbibe each lesson contained within the horrors of each scene, something struck me. I realized that if ever that I would be in such situations, I would probably just walk away, as if I couldn't give shit, until I get my head blown into pieces. I do not care at all.
Have I been apathetic to such cruelty? Have I been desensitized because violence, racial discrimition and oppression is a fact of life and that I have to live with it? These questions have been bothering me.
I get scared. I wimp out. I run away, like anyone else. Never have I braved anything in my life and I am starting to hate myself for it. I do not have anything to stand for. I do not have anything that holds significance in my life. You would probably tell me that you have your family whom you hold dear to your heart. But family is a given variable in one's life and it is indicated in our nature that we should care for them and nurture as it has nurtured us. How about philosophy? Principles? A motto? This government? My country? How about myself? How about sexuality and preference? How about equal rights?
As I approach the end of this entry, I realize that I do believe in one thing. Truth. I should always fight for what I know is the truth. But then again, truth is subjective. I might end up fighting for the wrong cause.
Now, beaten by my own self, I end in one corner waiting for something significant to happen.
posted by Ang Nini @ 6:29 AM
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