Contemplation: Single, and more Rantings.

One thing that bothers me right now is the fact that I have the lack of enthusiam to go out and meet people. It is conflicting with my current disposition since I have been having attacks of depression due to my long term solitude.

It isn't true that love comes to those who wait. I have waited patiently (at times, yes, I do succumed to depression) for the one true love that everybody is ranting about and yet, no matter how the leaves fall for the seasons, I have found no one to comfort my ailing heart.

Maybe, my one true love isn't a he or a she. Maybe, it is solitude. Or maybe, it is time. Or maybe, it is the realization that love is not something to be given, it cometh when not asked.

I often come across people who would tell me that I shouldn't be to eager to find someone who would fulfill my fantasies because I am young. Haven't they realized yet that that is exact reason why spinsters exist. People wait because they think they are always too young.

I refuse to believe any crap that would hinder me from finding my "it", my destiny, or my savior.

Oh, It's Raining.

I used to wait for the rain to fall. Like A kid, I would patiently wait, peering from the window as the first drop fall on the rooftop.

Now, as the moist weather reminds me of warmth, and how much I dread the feeling of numbness and coldness, I would stay in my room and wish the rain to go away.

Sometimes I ask myself what seems to be the biggest deal about being single. what is wrong about not having someone to comfort you emotionally, or try to ask you to do the craziest thing. Some people would always walk away from others, while I, on the otherhand haven't even knocked at the door. As I ask myself these questions, and as the each day ends, all I am left with are four walls reminding me of an open empty space--My heart.

It is such a lonely world. The rain reminds me of that. I am single. I am desperate.

Under my own eye

When the night deposits desperations to your solitude, where are you to go?

update: AngNini1

It has been a while since I last posted something in this blog. I have been busy tending to everyone.

Mommy was diaagnosed with tubercolosis last week ans she started her treatment. It will take 6 months for her to be fully recovered. It will take me years to learn how to handle such situations.

I have been in and out of depression. What comforts me is the fact that my family relies on to me to bring back order when chaos reigns. I, on the otherhand, rely on them for something that is intangible and nonexistent in my life.

The past few years, I have confused falling in love with desperation to fall in love. As the difference between the two spells out a whole new dimension, I have been guilty with attempting to fill any void inside my heart.

Years from now, when I have fallen in love and managed to distiguish between, I would look back and think how lucky I have been to commit such mistakes, for have I not, I would have not fallen in love at all.